im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize