is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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