You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize