therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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