so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
