is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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