I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
