If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
