It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
