wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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