chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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