I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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