do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Enjoy the penises
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
