I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
