Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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