Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
