I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
