I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
