My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Did you pee in the oven last night??
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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