he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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