16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
