Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
