we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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