SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
