u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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