I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
