please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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