he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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