i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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