and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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