just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
