I wish you could order shots online.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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