careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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