yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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