ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
