I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize