We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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