I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
