Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
