His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
