ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize