I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
