I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
