I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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