I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
foreskin is a definite game changer
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
