guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
