Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
