The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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