this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
