Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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