When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
