Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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