There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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