I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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