i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
