dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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