Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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