i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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