Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize