I'm so fucking centered right now
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
