i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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