well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
