Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize