You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
