Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My liver just had a heart attack.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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