Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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