he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
