I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
