After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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