Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
