their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
