She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
