I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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