i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
