I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
