Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
