I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize