So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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