i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
