My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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