It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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