at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
