Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
