He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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