it was like his penis was on wheels.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
