remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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