I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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