Duck Duck Cougar?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
