I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
