I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
