Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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