I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
