Me too!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
