just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
