Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
